Ever since last Thursday, I have felt anxious. Not because I am afraid of losing, but because I am afraid that if I do, I will never know if it was because the person who did win was just a little better than I, or if my book is no where near ready to publish.
The worry about being good enough sent me into a little panic attack Thursday morning while I was giving a speech at school. It cost me a good grade on the assignment. I have never had something like this happen to me before. Not when I took theatre in high school or when I entered into Novel Rocket last year with another of my novels. But this time I did, and I had no idea how to deal with it.
I went on Facebook and reached out to some of my friends for prayer. I am grateful to all who did pray, though I did not feel any better that day. The next day, anxiety followed me around and made everything miserable.
That night, I had a long talk with my Mom about how I felt. She listened, let me know that she would be there for me if I lost, and then prayed for me. That was what did it. As soon as my Mom and I stopped talking and praying, I felt so much better. She had let me unburden myself to her and then had gone to God with me to lay it all down.
We all need someone who will do that for us. If you ever feel anxious about your writing, or life in general, find someone that you can talk to, who will listen and pray. My Mom does that for me.
Today I will find out if I advance to the final round. But now I look forward to the announcement, it no longer cripples me. And if something ever does again, I can always talk and pray with my Mom.